Tantra Teacher, Australia,  Kerry Riley writes about tantric principles – Copyright 2003 Spectra 2000 P/L call for booking 0404 764 894

A WOMAN LIKES A MAN

Tantra has offered over the last decade more and more skills for men to become conscious of the need to become more in touch with their feminine side.  Men and women are no longer bound by the old roles of sexual stereotypes; macho-man and submissive wife is outdated.

Many women have developed their more competitive, directed, assertive side and many men have cultivated their more feeling, intimate and relational side.  This is a positive step.  However taken to the extreme without consciously being aware of the dynamics in your relationship it can create a problem.  A lot of women now complain that men are no longer “men”.  That they like a man who is confident and clear, especially when it comes to giving a commitment. Someone who can show her a love that she can trust in, even when she is upset and “doing her panda bear.”


KEITH’S STORY

“In my 20’s and early 30’s I was very much in touch with my male energy.  I was directed, focussed and on a mission to make things happen. I started my own business in Event Management.  Through listening to some of the personal development speakers at the conferences I started to expand my ideas on what it is to be a man.  I met Judy, my current partner, and she encouraged me or rather insisted I develop more of this emotional, intimate, reflective side of myself.  What I saw this as my feminine side.  I read numerous books, took vegetarian cooking classes,had frequent massages and gave up competitive sport to do weekend workshops on personal discovery. I became the popular sensitive new age guy I had read about.  Then, through a series of circumstances, I lost my business and had even more time to explore my emotional side.

After being with Judy now for nearly three years she often complains that I am not focused or decisive enough and she doesn’t feel supported by me.  She tells me about other successful guys at her work.  I feel criticised and hurt.  Our sex life is not as passionate either”.

That is why Keith came to see me.   He asked me for some advice.

I firstly acknowledged him for taking time to develop his more feminine side and it sounded like Judy was well in touch with her more masculine side.  Having a successful career in Real Estate and taking charge of their financial situation and in their relationship in general.  They had certainly progressed from the stereotype “I’m the man and you’re the woman” of their parents generation.  However they had fallen into another modern new age stereotype of “sensitive guy, powerful woman.” This can be just as restrictive if you don’t realise what is happening  and you become idenified with those new roles.

Something else that can happen is if you as a man have equal masculine and feminine qualities and your partner has equal masculine, feminine qualities, then in bed the polarity between you is neutralised and the sexual attraction is not as powerful.  What was once passionate hot sex between opposite poles becomes lukewarm lovemaking between equals.

In order to recreate the fire and the powerful attraction between man and woman we need to play with our roles and to let go of the cultural ideal of what we “should” be. We need to determine what is needed in our professional life and what is needed in bed in order to get what we want.  Then to take on the appropriate male or female side of our nature from one situation to another.

In sexual loving it might require a woman to let down her guard, let down her resistances and open to being madly, truly and deeply loved.  To connect with the goddess of love and sensuality within her, allowing the beauty of her feminine radiance to shine through.  For you it may mean you need to tap more into your masculine side so she can feel your strength, directedness, confidence and especially your presence and passion.

Your partner might be a successful career woman and you may often feel overpowered by her or in competition for power but there is a big chance that at her heart of hearts she still wants to be cherished and honoured as a goddess.  To feel your yearning to enrapture her with your love . Not from a need for sexual satisfaction or power or control but from a burning desire to have a deep passionate heartfelt connect with the person he loves. 

After explaining this to Keith and Karen in a subsequent consultation I suggested the first thing they could try is to playfully explore with taking on the roles of Shiva and Shakti in a Tantric ritual, like the one I suggested in Chapter 2: Making a devotion to each other before making love and looking for the Shakti and Shiva within each other.  That way they could step out of their current reality and predictable roles for a time and become the god and goddess of love. In a session like this you treat your partner as the goddess and she treats you as the divine male energy of existence.  Of course all your lovemaking won’t be ritualised and nor should it be but by doing this in the ritual and experiencing how it feels you will be more willing and more able to feel the presence of Shakti and Shiva in your normal lovemaking.  This is an excellent way to bring back some polarity and passion and nurture one of your woman’s deepest needs in the dance of sexual loving, to feel your masculine love in intimate union with her sacred feminine essence.

I am not suggesting you shouldn’t develop your more sensitive, emotional side.  Women love a man who they can be emotional and intimate with.  This is an important part of Tantra, to be able to open  your heart and turn sex into making love.  However if it is at the expense of not feeling your male essence any more, where you find yourself becoming more indecisive, non-committal, not feeling in touch with any direction or vision and not feeling your male strength, especially in bed.  Then it is time to regather and build new confidence in your male expression of yourself. 

You have the ability to be in touch with your heart and feelings and at the same time embrace your male essence when you need it.  To be able to be free to develop and access what is required at different times and in fact from moment to moment.  Then in your lovemaking you will be able to give your woman more of whatever she needs both physically and emotionally.  You will feel confident in your love.  A man with ‘spine’ and an open heart is very attractive to a woman.

Copyright 2003 Spectra 2000 P/L
Call for booking 0404 764 894
Tantra Education Australia