Tantra: If you want to last longer and be stronger for longer

Tantra teacher Kerry Riley, author of ‘Tantra Secrets for Men’, co creator of DVD ‘the Secrets of Tantric sex’ and director of Australian School of Tantra… This is an extract from ‘Tantric Secrets for Men’ copyright Random House 1995.

WHY DO MEN COME SO QUICKLY?

Tantra explains that even though, on a conscious level, we want to last longer with our women, our bodies have learned to come more quickly. Tantra sex techniques reprogram what the muscles do as we are approaching climax.

Tantra teaches us how to relax the muscles as they start to tense through tantra massage, tantra relaxation techniques, tantra thought release, tantra muscle release and tantra breathing.

Tantra says the subconscious mind is conditioned to climax quickly because sex is often associated with secrecy and guilt. Subconsciously it's best to get it over swiftly because we don't want to feel guilty for too long. Even if as sexually-educated men we may know it's necessary for our women's pleasure for us to last longer, our bodies, our muscular systems and our subconscious minds already have been programmed to climax quickly. The subconscious is more powerful than the conscious mind.

Do you know what happens with your body's responses and your thoughts as you are nearing climax? Because your body is conditioned to climax quickly, the muscle necessary to cause this will automatically start to contract. Your breath will do what is necessary to assist you to climax quickly. Your mind will become stressed, your thoughts frantic, fighting the urge, especially when you know your woman would like to go much longer.

However, if you can observe your conditioned response, you can also work at reversing the conditioning. It's not difficult, it's just a matter of awareness and a little training. Bio-feedback works on the same principle. If for example you are suffering from stress, you can be linked to bio-feedback machines and learn to find trigger points to release certain muscles before they tense any further. It works very effectively. I'm not suggesting you link yourself up to bio-
feedback machines while making love. Could you imagine going into a clinic and saying 'Hi, I've come in to practise a little ejaculation control, so just link me up to one of those machines and I'll go ahead. You watch the machine.' You don't need a machine! You can teach yourself!

The best way to do it is while masturbating. Think of it as a self-pleasuring experiment to derive some invaluable feedback on yourself. If you are a single person and masturbate regularly, this self-pleasuring experiment won't be any problem for you. However, I know that many men in steady sexual relationships will not have masturbated for years and you may experience resistance.

While studying at More University in Berkeley, California I was given a similar exercise in a sensuality and sexuality course; I had a strong resistance to masturbating. Because I was married, and I felt I was past that now; I didn't need to do it any more. However, it was explained to me that it wasn't masturbation, but a self-pleasuring experiment to learn about myself. With some encouragement from Diane, I went ahead and I learned enough to take a major leap in ejaculation control, not only through the strength of the P.C. muscle, but also through relaxation.

THE SELF PLEASURING

EXPERIMENT


... Find a safe private space and lock the door. Use a lubricant if you wish. Self-pleasure yourself for at least twenty minutes and each time you approach climax, just before the point of no return, firmly hold the head of your penis with a closed fist with no movement until the energy subsides. Keep the hand in place until your erection starts to soften a little, then continue to stroke and approach climax again.

Repeat the procedure several times. You can complete to ejaculation and climax if you wish after you have tried it at least five times, however this is not the point of the exercise. The point is to note what is happening as you approach orgasm.

What is happening with your breathing as you are getting close to climax? Are you holding your breath? Are you panting? What muscles are tensing? Are you tensing your shoulders, your face muscles and more importantly your buttocks, your pelvic floor muscles and genital region? What's happening in your mind? Any tendency to get there quickly? Any fighting of the pleasurable feelings? The aim is to start reversing some of this conditioning. This can be done through the use of the breath, thought release and muscle relaxation.

What to do with the breath

... Slow your breathing to long, steady breaths. Basically, breathe the opposite way to the way you normally do to achieve climax quickly. If you breathe through the mouth, try to breathe through the nose. The idea is to cool down, not heat up. That doesn't mean you fight your feelings, enjoyment and excitement. Indeed, you try to enjoy them more.

What to do with the thoughts

... Thought release is another helpful technique. As you feel your mind rushing towards climax, slow down your thoughts. Try to delight in the subtle energies of mild arousal; the pleasurable feelings that occur long before the highly excited phase. Drink deeply of the sensations at this time and stop and breathe the sensations through your entire body. Imagine them spreading everywhere, not just in your lingam.

When you are getting close to climax use your mind to relax your muscles. If you are tensing and fighting your mind, stop all movement, breathe deeply and as you release your breath, spread the energy and absorb the amount of pleasure; breathe deeply with each breath and spread the pleasure.

Most men ejaculate when they can't take any more pleasure. What you need to do is to increase your pleasure threshold. This can be accomplished by taking yourself to peak, but not climaxing on the first surge. Repeat this process and as the energy builds up around the genital region, breathe deeply, hold and then 'spread' it on the out-
breath. Imagine it moving through your limbs, through your fingers, through your toes, relaxing your entire body, releasing all your tight muscles.

What to do with the muscles

... As the energy builds up, as you feel your muscles tighten, consciously relax them. Especially be aware of the buttock muscles and the pelvic floor muscles.

If you haven't had any practice releasing muscles, you can do a simple exercise. Lie down on the floor and work through the muscle groups in your body. Begin with your feet or your hands. Tense those muscles only, then relax. Move slowly through each part of the body. Try tensing and relaxing your shoulder muscles as you read this page;
 release your jaw muscles by dropping your jaw. Men carry so much tension around with them, yet they often are unaware of it.

You can combine the thoughts and breath to release tension
breathe in to the tense muscle, hold while the muscle contracts then release the muscle and the breath together while making the sound   Aah. Thoughts, muscles and breath release are wonderful techniques to use to prolong your lovemaking.

The techniques related to the breath, thoughts and muscles can be practised alone or during intercourse, but I recommend that you initially practise them separately so that later, during intercourse, you won't have to concentrate on technique. They will occur naturally. If your lover is happy to work with you in the development of your lovemaking techniques then that is a great gift.